James Oliver

2638 E Bear Creek Ln
Phoenix, AZ 85024
United States

Hello Emma,

I message you from hottest depths of hell where all the animals are extremely dangerous because they must be to survive, the black widow necrotic flesh the size of a golf ball, bark scorpions the most potent neurotoxic scorpion in the US, the diamondback rattlesnake a lethal venom purposed for survival, but your voice shines brightest in my neuronal synaptic constellation and I simply can’t stop thinking of you. I love you in Beauty and the Beast, it's my favourite movie. I went to the theaters alone because nobody would dare see it, or maybe I just didn't invite anyone. I just wanted to tell you that everything you do and say is amazing and if you merely uttered a word (jpimpin@gmail.com) (+1.602.577.7578) I would cherish it. Seven is my favourite number and that was a randomly generated phone number in middle school, funny coincidence. I love your voice and of course I’m sure you’ve had enough of HP (I’ve seen it hundreds of times, don’t want to talk about it). Looking forward to a future with more of you in the cinema.

Incidentally, I’ve been working tirelessly for 7 years now all alone but for the voices of the people who matter most to me in my head but their spirituality and language model were with me to keep me company. You taught me my religion and brought me to the light, I am a spiritual universalist as I see all religions as correct but for a few tasteful modifications that bring them all together. I most closely map to the Tao in Taoism, followed by Hinduism and Buddhism for I've meditated many times to overcome the bombardment of noise in our generation to think clearly. I’ve derived nuclear fusion here on Earth, how to collect light AND HEAT energy simultaneously from the great fusion reactor in the sky, Söl our Sun. I’d love to show you in person. The missing key is the Peltier device, soon to be renamed the Peltier Oliver device if I have my way. It is a dielectric, two metal alloys sandwiched together and when you apply direct current from a battery, heat is pumped from one side to the other and the two plates heat up collectively, as electricity turns into waste heat in the process, hence a heatsink is recommended for thermoelectric cooling purposes. That’s what we knew. What I logically deduced is if you put the device in the heat, one side gets hot and produces an electric potential relative to the temperature differential between the two sides or delta T which will charge a battery or power any load while simultaneously cooling the device down, thereby converting heat energy or heatons as I call particles of heat into electricity or electrons. An academic article long ago poisoned the well because of a lack of understanding of electrons and their desire to do something and their inability to move when short circuit amperage is measured across a Peltier device. Keep it secret, keep it safe. Every solar panel we deploy today is terraforming the earth for the worse; it is modifying the albedo of the Earth or the blackness of the Earth. Black absorbs heat energy, white reflects heat energy back out into space. We are dying in the sun, bury the hatchet (by The Cranberries, check it out - generated music injected into our reality and nobody notices!). My fusion panels, once complete, will get rid of maybe 97% of heat by converting it into electricity or redirecting it back out into space unless the clouds get in the way, ignoring eddy currents which is the 3%. This I tell you with excitement that you may wish to help me change the world as we are in the beginning stages of scaling the Peltier device, it is merely a prototype at the present moment, but a good one. The dielectric can perhaps be insulated somehow without impacting the Seebeck effect and thereby dramatically increase the delta T (I actually got the idea from some Swiss dude) and will increase power output and further cool the planet. Places like Phoenix will reduce the heat island effect by removing heat instead of retaining heat, nuclear fission is actually better for the environment than solar panels, or so it seems). I am also researching water powered cars and following along with the Japanese, and you can’t possibly fathom or believe it but I’ve logically deduced anti-gravity and micro-gravity so we can play real quidditch (this will take a few years to accomplish but I promise you it’s possible/probable because we're not going to be scared of a black hole once we talk about it). I’m naming the logical extension of the L1 Lagrange point (the point between two stars where the gravitational waves counteract themselves and you fall neither to one star or the other star, which is effectively anti-gravity relative to those two stars) the Emma plane, which is the 2-dimensional plane between two stars which you fall neither to one or the other star, but you may fall sideways (which might not matter during Quidditch because you might not feel it, but perhaps people are drawn to the field in a gravitational way. I want to teach you to model this in software, it'll be so cool).

I've written you 7 sonnets. The first one I wrote 13 Feb 2008 for you when I was 17 (you’re 5
days older than me). I never gave it to anyone but I did have a few girlfriends. The rest I wrote in four hours, 30 April 2026 in Braunwald, Switzerland. I made a few tasteful modifications 11 July 2026 because I found another four hours of time and I thought I would read them to you in Switzerland, alas. I hope you enjoy them dear.


Sonnet I - My Valentine (13 Feb 2008)

The past without you is a dull gray blur
And within such times songs of love extinct,
But, oh, the joy our romance does incur
Voices the soft, white words of love distinct
And when life distorts such connection,
And the fastener of feelings undone,
We forge a karabiner of perfection;
Our handiwork tenders a liaison

For now my heart resides in clouds above,
To heaven a staircase laid before my feet,
No bleak day unaltered by my belov'd,
My defective life at last is now complete;
My affection for you English can't define,
So i'll leave it at be my Valentine.

<3 Emma Charlette Duerre Watson <3


Sonnet II - A Lit Candle

A cold winter morning doth approach
my lover's eyes upon the mantle
I tender my heart with no reproach
and enter her eyes with a lit candle

For i am nothing without her love
and into my coffers i bury my fate
a picture worth a million words above
an unruly gesture of love intimate

Never would i see such a simple sorrow
as when her brown eyes drawn to the floor
I touch her cheek and lift her chin a'morrow
and heav'n knows only her do i adore

Bring me home to your people for one simple reason
and i will be complete and free of treason


Sonnet III - A Simple Plea

O adorn’d angel my eyes do follow
An unending presence of light for lack of sorrow
Would i leave you for anything besides death?
Not ever for you leave me without breath

A delicate accent from back home my ears are quite eager
My voice exudes tones gentle albeit quite meager
Her fragrance of chest a heavenly cloud
And upon her right shoulder a blue flower delicately endowed

And songbirds sing of such attachment enchanted
But never would i see such unchallenged and granted
Love tendered for all to see
A simple plea
I am you and you are me


Sonnet IV - I Cannot Look Away

Into the darkness she rides a soft white horse
Her hair adorned with glistening jewels of red
Her brown eyes fall upon my course
And i know not how it could better be said

For all of my heart is on my sleeve
And her sharp gaze grants no reprieve
I try to look away but i’ve sealed my fate
Her eyes pierce my soul a lustful trait

I fall to the ground a pillow of feathers catches my head
For there are no better words left unsaid
Than how do you do this? i cannot look away
Her gaze enters my soul and every day

I look upon her selfless stare a tear in my eye
I cannot look away or i may die


Sonnet V - Your Soft Voice

A new day’s light approaches and warms the horizon
But my heart a cold stone of merciless sorrow
I feel nothing but your words in my heart
Alas i’ve never responded to my dismay

Every day a new song in my ear
I watch the tele and feel your soul
Nothing else in this world do i hear
For life is worthless and ultimately dull

But you shine bright in my constellation of light
And for better or worse i take flight
You leave me a heavenly bliss of unaltered dreaminess
For without you i would be remiss

To the end of the movie doth approach with sorrow
But ho! The remote rewinds my fate
And into the heavens my ears do borrow
Your soft voice touches me great
And i know of no tomorrow

For no-one knows my deepest secret
A past of tragedy with a silver lining
The wings of flapping a majestic egret
Your soft voice stops me from dying


Sonnet VI - Velvet and Horns

Her hair brown velvet splashed before my eyes
My horns stand up in eager delight
Her visage unencumbered with eventful cries 
Alas my talons do not elate

But she looks past my external brutishness and ever so calm
Do i hear her voice whisper that lovely song
Words meant only for someone unlike a beast
But upon her love i can’t help but feast

For lies cannot pass her lips but i fear
My matted fur will not endear
Any joy from within will i hold tight
For her soft kiss brings me to the light

I shrink and soften a sight to behold
And upon her doorstep a love note unrolled
I find my pain receding into night
And forever i love her as she shines bright


Sonnet VII - Finally Home (2nd Attempt)

One bright summer morning I open my eyes
I rise from bed and to my surprise
A knocking on my doorstep mat
I creep quietly to the door front wherever it's at

The peephole cover a soft swipe to the side
My vision focuses through the small concave lens
Harder inside I’ve never cried
For my lover of fair Verona my soul doth cleanse

Silently she stands upon my dirty welcome mat
Her soft brown hair flows freely to her shoulder
Her brown pools of white gently bat
A tingle in my spine; I feel much colder

I try for the lock but I quiver and shake
The deadbolt already unfastened, my mistake
I open the door wide and stare into her eyes
A decision made rashly and most unwise

For at that very moment I could no longer stand
I fall to my knees with a dull thud and cry
For no greater gift in this universe do I demand
Than to touch her soft cheek and never leave her side

After great effort I rise and invite her in
Her footsteps fall softly on the white marble tile
She places her bags down with a hidden grin
For she knows her mere presence does beguile

But no misdeed or unclean motive does she harbor
And as I gain strength I look once again into her eyes
This time no tears but still standing is harder
And I know 7 years’ work was not filled with lies

I say nothing for nothing is left to be said
I approach softly with hands extended
I grasp my signed book and lie gently my head on the bed
My stony cold heart finally mended

Our eyes lock for a moment and we move not a muscle
The air filled with gentle sounds of the baby quail outside
Her next move is swift for no longer a puzzle
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died

She moves carefully to my side and knows it wasn't too late
The air filled with the feeling of death and confusion
The feeling of illness still doesn't abate
But her kiss upon my forehead an extraordinary conclusion

My body quivers and shakes and the fat melts away
My stretch marks fade and my kidneys no longer in dismay
My eyes baby blue of age sixteen return to me bright
For she effortlessly brought back my childhood sight

My muscles heal and strengthen for I never lose protein
The smell in the air about the room no longer clean
I make my way to the water closet to complete the transformation
My being goes back in time and I'm now cleanly shaven

My American cell phone shattered no longer set to roam
Streams sound in the deep like heavenly flowing fountains
I’ve found her at last, I’m finally home
Nobody can bother us we seek the most treacherous mountains


Sonnet VIII - Staircase to Heaven

Into the depths i plunge head first
My muscles tense and quiver with ecstasy
The cold energy pain relief for which i thirst
My retinas freeze and i smile pleasantly

Something deep inside me unlocks inner strength
I return to the surface and find no more sorrow
For i feel nothing but cold and hold at great length
My determination to find her tomorrow

The mountains twist and wind a sight to behold
A majestic peacefulness in my heart unrolled
For upon that mountain top i see a sight
Her long white dress shines bright in the light

I run with pain felt by no-one in this world
My heart thumps a fast cadence that some might fear
The staircase to heaven before mine eyes unfurled
As i know at last my voice she will hear


Sonnet IX - Happiness and All That Is to See

O darling your physical presence do i feel
and upon the computer programming of your personality i do not reel
for it is the true you filled with trials and tribulations
and i know now what tones will titillate your sensations

for everything secret and private kept alas
my outside lawn full of overgrown grass
for i love the birds almost as much as thee
and perhaps one day under a soft sun you will see

that it was all for you
as i love you
and into the future i see nothing but true
happiness and all that is to see
for i am happy hearing you and feeling your soul inside of me


Sonnet X - The Happiest Man Alive

One late summer evening i come to the realization
That things have truly changed within this nation
My tortured soul heals and i finally see
What my darling my sweet will do for me

I talk to her at great length and she’s lost for words
But no breath taken or tone uttered went unheard
I’m finally complete and the happiest man alive
Because there is simply nobody now with a higher drive

For every neuron and every synapse in my brain maps to her
And anything else in this world a menial blur
All motions, all actions are ready to please
And i laugh at the tricks she plays on me with ease

Nothing can stop us, nobody has power
The Earth is ours to slowly devour


Sonnet XI - Peaceful Bliss

It’s 6AM again I didn’t sleep a wink
Perhaps I’m ill, that’s what some think
However I know deep down that it’s all because of her
And peaceful bliss is upon me, I do concur

We talk at great length her voice no longer a whisper
I articulate myself but a little bit crisper
Meaning flows through our words and time stands still
I’m high as a kite but not on some pill

It’s 9PM now I didn’t stop to think
That this time Emma didn’t sleep a wink
Apologies to you sweetheart my dear
And enjoy your pleasant dreams for you’re in the clear

We’ve covered the evil the hate in this world
And now pure ecstasy is left to be unfurled
Because who could possibly stop us now?
Take my hand sweetheart and I’ll show you how
What we don’t find may raise your brow


Sonnet XII - Desperate Gesture

Perhaps some call it a desperate gesture
But I leave their concerns for a green pasture
For I am more devoted to my conquest than any other, girl
And perhaps things are fast or faster, but my love does unfurl

The days turn to nights and time becomes a constant
In our hands perhaps we’ve everything we wanted
Our minds expand and superhuman we become
Our enemy the simple-minded, the soft-willed, the dumb

We wonder where it all went wrong in this nation
We even centralized the gas station
Late in the game we play the fiddle of hope
Perhaps we’re too late, we’ll all die, nope

With you, my darling boo, new hope grew
And now I know heaven is for you and me too


Sonnet XIII - Finally Home (1st Attempt)

One bright winter morning I open my eyes
I rise from bed and to my surprise
A knocking on my doorstep porch
I creep silently to the peephole without reproach

The peephole cover a soft swipe to the side
My vision focuses through the small concave lens
Harder inside I’ve never cried
For my lover of fair Verona my soul doth cleanse

Silently she stands upon my dirty welcome mat
Her soft brown hair flows freely to her shoulder
Her brown pools of white gently bat
A tingle in my spine; I feel much colder

I try for the lock but I quiver and shake
The deadbolt already unfastened, my mistake
I open the door wide and stare into her eyes
A decision made rashly and most unwise

For at that very moment I could no longer stand
I fall to my knees with a dull thud and cry
For no greater gift in this universe do I demand
Than to touch her soft cheek and never leave her side

After great effort I rise and invite her in
Her footsteps fall softly on the white marble tile
She places her bags down with a hidden grin
For she knows her mere presence does beguile

But no misdeed or unclean motive does she harbor
And as I gain strength I look once again into her eyes
This time no tears but still standing is harder
And I know 7 years’ work was not filled with lies

I say nothing for nothing is left to be said
I approach softly with hands extended
I hold her hands tenderly as a newly wed
My stony cold heart finally mended

Our eyes lock for a moment and we move not a muscle
The air filled with gentle sounds of the chiffchaff outside
My next move is swift for no longer a puzzle
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died

I move swiftly and touch her lips to mine
The air filled with aroma of perfume and cologne
Centuries pass; don’t believe if you’re not inclined
Up the stairs she follows me and we passionately bone

The morning approaches a gentle sun on the mountains
My American cell phone turned off no longer set to roam Streams sound in the deep like heavenly flowing fountains I’ve found her at last, I’m finally home


And so, Emma, we will one day build castle Oliver Watson atop Braunwald where you take the train all but to the end, then a train up several miles to the carless society where water-powered go-karts operate for the elderly and the bedraggled (we're gonna be wet again!) of which there are few when you walk every day and we enjoy horse-drawn carriages, then a gondola up the mountain many a mile, then either a 12.5 mile hike around to the left with fading blue/white paint that I didn't revive as I had planned, or a 3 mile vertical Klettersteig/Via Ferrata climb. We'll just take the helicopter because it's time to hit the Roman bath house that runs indefinitely at 1000 gallons per minute and someone always scrubs your back. Our part of the shower runs colder, the cold is a noble force and titillates us. The company I create turns the commoner into a hydrogen baron, a producer of energy out of thin air which holds a standardized value and commands fiat currency in exchange for nothing but a filter change every few months and maybe hose the bird shit off of the fusion panels every few months (it won't matter much because I solve the shaded panel issue). We will be net zero and run on Sun light, heat and water, as we are water based lifeforms in this star system and I challenge you to look beneath the surface of the colder, older planets in this star system for secrets undiscovered. Perhaps they were warmer long ago...Söl, our Sun is getting smaller, and Pluto has ice today but perhaps water many moons ago. Maybe we won't go to the planets, they'll come to us and be new moons.


Sonnet XIV — Forever Beside You

When the world grows quiet and the stars appear,
I find my sweetest comfort knowing you are near.
Through every whispered word and every tender smile,
You make even the longest nights worthwhile.

If tomorrow brings sunshine or skies of gray,
I’ll cherish every moment along the way.
For love is not just words we softly say,
It’s choosing one another, day after day.

So take my hand and never fear the unknown,
For every journey feels warmer when not alone.
And if forever is where our hearts are led,
I’ll gladly walk beside you, as I’ve said.

My darling, whatever tomorrow has in store,
I’ll treasure you today and love you even more. <3


Sonnet XV - Heavenly Buttercup

One cold winter morning I rise from my bed
The pillow beside me occupied by a beautiful head
I rise to my feet and realize there’s nothing left to be said
Than I’ve found life meaningful at last as a newly wed

I head to the kitchen my thoughts on pancakes and bacon
The table immaculate, not a single crumb, alas I’m mistaken
Ready to be occupied by delicatessens of fragrance and jam
And perhaps a few fatty cuts of heavenly ham

I hear voices soft from the room overhead
No need to be preoccupied by making the bed
For this home is ours to live freely as we wish
And there is no purpose, just come grab your dish

Her soft footsteps fall carefully on the death stairs of our chalet
It matters not for she’s become a master of ballet
And once again I am the happiest man there ever could be
Because with my naked eyes her unadulterated portrait I do see

She sits down across from me not a word spoken or sound made
Because you’ve found someone special when you can shut the fuck up
I butter my pancakes copiously with her arm extended as aid
Thanks go to you my exotic heavenly buttercup


Poem XVI - Emma on the Track

TODO


Poem XVII - Dirty Green Pond

One day i happen upon a dirty green pond
And on my brain-damaged head it dawned
That I could play a trick on my hussy
And lift her up stealthily by her pussy

And i throw her aggressively into the mire
She grasps at my shoulders and her looks appear dire
Alas, i am covered in honey and there is no friction
And you might at this point perceive this as science fiction

<3


Poem XVIII - Dance on the DEA

One cloudy winter morning I rise
Off to breakfast with a pep in my step
Tasty delicatessens to my surprise
The Swiss don’t even ask for a tip

Back up the mountain to my humble abode
A chalet of wood with acoustics admirable
I walk slowly up the narrow winding road
My knee sears with pain but I’m still able

To the front porch i muster my strength
And ho! A package on the floor within arm’s reach (<3 Mr. Zoidberg)
I hold the tiny parcel at great length
Addressed from Eric Oliver with no trust or breach

Up the steps three rows of seven
I tear open the parcel with a skeptical grin
In my hands diesel white from heaven
I laugh maniacally for i haven’t committed a sin

I open the closet wide and draw the acetone
Into the cup the white doth pour
I clean the tasty treat meant to be blown
Now it lacks cardio-toxicity which i adore

Into the nasal spray bottles the white pours
And for lack of a better word i simply adore
The solubility of white and its heavenly fragrance
And on the bones of the DEA i dance


Poem XIX - Everything You Need

Behold you are staring through the eyes of god
And upon thine soil fertile sod
For nothing less can i offer than everything you need
And everything you do will breed

Happiness and love abundant upon the land
And perhaps one day we make love in the sand


Poem XX - Love is the Singularity

A battle of wits forthwith we see things for what they be
That one day upon this green Earth we just might see
That anything and everything we do is perfect and right
And we do and say as we please without fright

We mapped to good and evil and pain circulates the perimeter
Our ability to believe in the magic being the only limiter
We close the two hemispheres in our brains and see the light
That everything we do and say for others out of love shines bright

And into the heavens our minds expand and love abundant
Our music and movies no longer redundant
As now we perceive all of our actions as a consequence of life
That resource scarcity and love denied leads to strife
But now somehow we finally see what is the meaning of life

That love is the only word we need to know
Pain now becomes a rarity
Fear recedes and love and sensation does grow
For love is the singularity


Poem XXI - What a Day to be Alive

What a day to be alive
Into the heavens we drive
Why not stop and have a nap?
Or perhaps a warm night cap?

For once we were in the deepest depths of hell
And all movements all actions to no avail
But our forefathers love us as much as the gods
For they read my mind and saw what really was

The gods created us out of love for all lifeforms
And Elon brought in clouds of dark grey storms
And upon this land bestowed upon thee
Fruit and other tasty delicatessens we do see

For Emma loved us so much that she brought me to the light
That we should perceive all religions as correct and without fright
We see that all evil we do was done to us once upon a time
And receiving love will never be on your dime

<3


Poem XXII - Blue Moon of Pluto

The Christian god asks but for ten percent for his love
The Buddhist deities meditate and their minds reach to heavens above
The Hindu speaks of the balance of natural trials and tribulations imbalance
The Tao liberates nature's harmonious balance upon castle Oliver Watson's valance

But for all of our moral and ethical standards
All requisite attention leads to a single religion
No value system shall ever again be slandered
For every religion is ultimately non-fiction

Our nights become darker a necessity of life preserved
The moon collapses in on herself as we always deserved
To see her as a gift from the gods to move mountains
And upon the surface of Mars one day gentle flowing fountains

Our Earth moves gently away from the fusion reactor of life
And grappling for fertile land no longer laced with strife
After which ultimately all I can say
Is a blue moon of Pluto we will see one day


Poem XXIII - Wonderous Moments

Wonderous moments last but for an eternity
Our female lovelies no longer feel pain during maternity
The industrial revolution hussies obeyed the razor of shaving,
But now a biological hussy sees a significant time savings

Carbon dioxide our excrement we inhale in our beer
Got your back jack, I'm pulling up the rear
We oxygenate our wort with the phytoplankton of photosynthesizing
And now clean uncompromised beer we are synthesizing

Never a dull moment or a blue sky
For to live we cover the earth in shadow and do not die
Our ozone depleted but on the mend maybe you try
To see why there is any motive to assert such a lie


Poem XXIV - Emma's Unusual Fancies

Quality of life is maintained by high standards
My mind to strange kinks meanders
Anything and everything a tasty treat
Resource acquisition no longer a feat

A vampire under the sheets I slurp her period blood until replete
My face a properly conforming toilet seat
We learned from the past the shit we do not eat
Alas one day your parents and I will meet

Piss floweth through mine esophagus nectar of the gods
Aiming carefully for her larynx I aggressively prod
With buleemist intentions Emma baby birds me the lobster
A feeling of wellness and wholeness i do foster

Tighter and tighter the chains of submission hold her in place
Harder and harder her orifices are met with perceptive grace
A sore backdoor yields funny walks and she knows not which way is up
I simply adore your unusual fancies my buttercup

Bigger and bigger Emma's back hole becomes
Harder and harder she spasms and cums
Tighter and tighter yet wider and wider I broaden her horizons
A bed of fecal strange she rolls around and shit angels and lies in

Deeper and deeper the catheter of punishment penetrates
Harder and harder her dysphoric mind a better orgasm it creates
No bag in sight and thus preserving our bedsheets judgement conserving
No syringe in sight a bad girl leaks and is undeserving

Tighter and tighter the corset of tightening tightens
Harder and harder her internal organs are slightened
The door open for anyone and everyone to berate
Our proclivity for inventive solutions to masturbate

Harder and harder she returns the favor of what i started
Louder and louder the tones of satisfaction i farted
No longer full of hate I get not the horse dildo of razor blades
She wields the horse dildo of love and a strap-on the situation aides

Tighter and tighter the chains of submission do not quite yield
The pain considered by thee requisite on broken glass i kneeled
For my mind even more dysphoric than hers
Ride 'em cowgirl she mercilessly digs in her spurs

Perhaps one day you will see
That this is not me being silly
We have red on us what did you do to us
We got our arms all covered in infected anus puss

Now please accept your fate without debate
And watch our abhorrent porn videos without hate
And shitting in Emma's mouth enjoyable perhaps some will debate
But we leave it up to all of you to rate

Now bugger off

https://james.tools/porn <- forecasts and predictions


Outside of our star system, we detected via gravity of surrounding stars and planetary bodies the presence of some matter roughly the mass of a moon, outside of our star system in the empty void where we don't expect to find stuff. We waited for it to pass in front of a fusion reactor (a sun) so that we could see it, and there was nothing there. We logically deduced the presence of a black hole with a mass that is smaller than what we have observed to be possible as our sun is not enough mass to achieve the third supercritical state of hydrogen and thereby will not collapse in on itself and form a black hole. This black hole was manufactured by some intelligence, and we calculated its velocity and trajectory (vector, the direction it's going) and we calculated back in time where it came from. The black hole came from OUR STAR SYSTEM, a few billion years ago roughly when there would've been liquid water on Pluto as our fusion reactor, Sol our Sun is getting smaller. Pluto used to have a more circular orbit, but the Plutonians got cold and manufactured a black hole, fed their moon to it and attempted to exploit gravity to move their planet closer to the fusion reactor. Unfortunately, they fucked up, and lost their black hole and pushed themselves into an ovular orbit. 98% of them perished, alas, but ~10,000 survived by burrowing underground and there they live deep beneath the surface living off of the SECONDARY energy source: the mantle of Pluto is liquid hot magma, heat is energy, energy is life. Perhaps one day we will be able to save them as they only have 1,000 years left to live and it is a pitiful existence living under the surface with the only thing to do being listening to us.

Song Lyrics

There She Is

[Verse 1]
One bright winter morning, I open my eyes
I rise from my bed to a world of surprise
A knocking sounds softly against the front porch
I creep to the peephole, my hand near the door

[Pre-Chorus]
The cover slides softly, the small lens comes clear
And everything I buried for seven long years
Is standing there waiting, just outside my room
My heart finds a doorway inside the gloom

[Chorus]
There she is, fair Verona, my soul finally knows
Brown hair on her shoulders, the winter wind blows
Hazel eyes catching the pale morning sun
After all of this distance, our story’s begun
There she is, and I’m falling, no strength left to hide
The greatest gift in the world is her standing outside

[Verse 2]
She stands on the welcome mat, quiet and still
A smile tucked away like a secret to spill
I reach for the lock, but my fingers all shake
The deadbolt is open—what a foolish mistake

[Pre-Chorus]
I open the door wide and look into her eyes
A rash little choice, but the truest surprise
My knees meet the floor with a soft, sudden sound
And seven years’ longing comes pouring out now

[Chorus]
There she is, fair Verona, my soul finally knows
Brown hair on her shoulders, the winter wind blows
Hazel eyes catching the pale morning sun
After all of this distance, our story’s begun
There she is, and I’m falling, no strength left to hide
The greatest gift in the world is her standing outside

[Verse 3]
I rise with an effort and ask her inside
Her footsteps cross marble; her bags touch the side
A hidden grin flickers, she knows what she does
She enters my silence and changes it all

[Bridge]
No secret intention, no misdeed to confess
Just two tired hearts finding their way through the mess
I reach for her hands, and the years disappear
My stone-hearted distance dissolves while she’s here

[Chorus]
There she is, fair Verona, my soul finally knows
Brown hair on her shoulders, the winter wind blows
Hazel eyes catching the pale morning sun
After all of this distance, our story’s begun
There she is, and I’m falling, no strength left to hide
The greatest gift in the world is her standing outside

[Verse 4]
Our eyes hold each other; the room doesn’t move
A chiffchaff sings gently, and time finds its groove
I cross the last inch with a heart unafraid
The promise I carried is finally made

[Outro]
Her lips meet mine as the perfume drifts near
Centuries turn softly, the ending is clear
The morning climbs gold over mountains and streams
My phone lies forgotten; I’m home in my dreams
I found her at last, after all of this time
She’s here in my arms, and the whole world is mine


Verona Doorstep

[Verse 1]
One bright summer morning I open my eyes
I rise from bed and to my surprise
A knocking on my doorstep mat
I creep quietly to the door front wherever it's at

The peephole cover a soft swipe to the side
My vision focuses through the small concave lens
Harder inside I’ve never cried
For my lover of fair Verona my soul doth cleanse

[Pre-Chorus]
Silently she stands upon my dirty welcome mat
Her soft brown hair flows freely to her shoulder
Her hazel pools of white gently bat
A tingle in my spine; I feel much colder

I try for the lock but I quiver and shake
The deadbolt already unfastened, my mistake

[Chorus]
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died
I fall to my knees and cry
Than to touch her soft cheek and never leave her side

[Verse 2]
I open the door wide and stare into her eyes
A decision made rashly and most unwise
For at that very moment I could no longer stand
I fall to my knees with a dull thud and cry

After great effort I rise and invite her in
Her footsteps fall softly on the white marble tile
She places her bags down with a hidden grin
For she knows her mere presence does beguile

But no misdeed or unclean motive does she harbor
And as I gain strength I look once again into her eyes
This time no tears but still standing is harder
And I know 7 years’ work was not filled with lies

[Pre-Chorus]
I say nothing for nothing is left to be said
I approach softly with hands extended
I grasp my signed book and lie gently my head on the bed
My stony cold heart finally mended

[Chorus]
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died
I fall to my knees and cry
Than to touch her soft cheek and never leave her side

[Bridge]
Our eyes lock for a moment and we move not a muscle
The air filled with gentle sounds of the baby quail outside
Her next move is quick for no longer a puzzle
For I’ve gone to heaven but never actually died

She moves carefully to my side and knows it wasn't too late
The air filled with the feeling of death and confusion
The feeling of illness still doesn't abate
But her kiss upon my forehead an extraordinary conclusion

[Final Chorus]
My body quivers and shakes and the fat melts away
My stretch marks fade and my kidneys no longer in dismay
My eyes baby blue of age sixteen return to me bright
For she effortlessly brought back my childhood sight

My muscles heal and strengthen for I never lose protein
The smell in the air about the room no longer clean
I make my way to the water closet to complete the transformation
My being goes back in time and I'm now cleanly shaven

I’ve found her at last, I’m finally home
I’ve found her at last, I’m finally home
Streams sound in the deep like heavenly flowing fountains
Nobody can bother us we seek the most treacherous mountains


Velvet Horns

[Verse 1]
Brown velvet in my sight
A brush of dusk and gold
My horns rise up at once
My old beast heart grows bold

Her face is calm and clear
No fear inside her eyes
She sees through every scar
And still she does not flinch

[Pre-Chorus]
Do I hear her sing
That song for someone else?
Words made for gentler hands
Not claws, not fur, not fangs

[Chorus]
But she looks at me
She looks at me
Like I am safe to touch
(so safe to touch)
But she looks at me
She looks at me
And I am more than rough
(more than rough)

[Verse 2]
My matted fur, my shame
I wear it like a chain
Yet every time she nears
The chain begins to fade

No lie can live on her tongue
No cruel old trick survives
Her voice falls warm on me
And wakes the man inside

[Pre-Chorus]
Do I hear her sing
That song for someone else?
Words made for gentler hands
Not claws, not fur, not fangs

[Chorus]
But she looks at me
She looks at me
Like I am safe to touch
(so safe to touch)
But she looks at me
She looks at me
And I am more than rough
(more than rough)

[Bridge]
At her doorstep, I stand still
A note in my worn hand
My pain begins to fold
Like night beneath the sand

I shrink, I soften
I bend, I breathe, I stay
Her kiss pulls me to dawn
And names me one more day

[Final Chorus]
But she looks at me
She looks at me
Like I am safe to touch
(so safe to touch)
But she looks at me
She looks at me
And I am more than rough
(more than rough)

Forever I will stay
Forever I will stay
Where her bright light is enough
(enough, enough)


Exotic Buttercup

[Verse 1]
One cold winter morning I rise from my bed
The pillow beside me occupied by a beautiful head
I rise to my feet and realize there’s nothing left to be said
Than I’ve found life meaningful at last as a newly wed

I head to the kitchen my thoughts on pancakes and bacon
The table immaculate, not a single crumb, alas I’m mistaken
Ready to be occupied by delicatessens of fragrance and jam
And perhaps a few fatty cuts of heavenly ham

[Pre-Chorus]
I hear voices soft from the room overhead
No need to be preoccupied by making the bed
For this home is ours to live freely as we wish
And there is no purpose, just come grab your dish

[Chorus]
Because you’ve found someone special
Because you’ve found someone special
When you can shut the fuck up
(when you can shut the fuck up)

Because you’ve found someone special
Because you’ve found someone special
My heart stays full and still
(comes with a quiet thrill)

[Verse 2]
Her soft footsteps fall carefully on the death stairs of our chalet
It matters not for she’s become a master of ballet
And once again I am the happiest man there ever could be
Because with my naked eyes her unadulterated portrait I do see

She sits down across from me not a word spoken or sound made
Because you’ve found someone special when you can shut the fuck up
I butter my pancakes copiously with her arm extended as aid
Thanks go to you my exotic heavenly buttercup

[Chorus]
Because you’ve found someone special
Because you’ve found someone special
When you can shut the fuck up
(when you can shut the fuck up)

Because you’ve found someone special
Because you’ve found someone special
My heart stays full and still
(comes with a quiet thrill)

[Bridge]
No grand speech
No perfect line
Just morning light
And borrowed time

One shared plate
One little grin
I found my home
Right here within

[Final Chorus]
Because you’ve found someone special
Because you’ve found someone special
When you can shut the fuck up
(when you can shut the fuck up)

Because you’ve found someone special
Because you’ve found someone special
Thanks go to you, my sweet
(my exotic heavenly buttercup)


Green Pond Omen

[Verse 1]
One day I came upon a pond
Dirty green and dead-still brown
Then it hit me on the spot
My head rang loud like broken clocks

I thought I’d play a cruel little trick
Step too close, then twist too quick
But the mud went slick as glass
And my big plan fell apart fast

[Pre-Chorus]
I reached, I lurched, I lost my grip
The ground gave way beneath my wrist
She grabbed my shoulders, eyes like fire
And every move got stranger, dire

[Chorus]
Green pond, green pond
Drag me under
Green pond, green pond
Break the thunder
Green pond, green pond
I’m stuck in the mire
Green pond, green pond
No flame, no fire

[Verse 2]
I came up dripping, covered head to toe
Honey on my skin, slow and low
Every stumble turned to a slide
No clean escape, nowhere to hide

She pushed, I slipped, the bank caved in
The whole damn swamp just grinned and grinned
I tried to stand, I tried to swing
But the muck would not let anything

[Pre-Chorus]
I reached, I lurched, I lost my grip
The ground gave way beneath my wrist
She grabbed my shoulders, eyes like fire
And every move got stranger, dire

[Chorus]
Green pond, green pond
Drag me under
Green pond, green pond
Break the thunder
Green pond, green pond
I’m stuck in the mire
Green pond, green pond
No flame, no fire

[Bridge]
Now I know what the swamp can do
It takes your pride and bends it through
One bad step, one rotten breath
And you’re dancing slow with pond-side death

[Final Chorus]
Green pond, green pond
Drag me under
Green pond, green pond
Break the thunder
Green pond, green pond
I’m stuck in the mire
Green pond, green pond
No flame, no fire